No One ASKED You, Lady

kristine — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:31:36 +0000

The other day I was at the nail salon for like the first time in three years. And I remembered why I use to love going. Other than the nice Asian lady who massages your neck while your nails dry, there’s the other patrons who cluck about like no one in the world can hear them talk about their hernia.

During this particular visit, two women recognized each other. The woman sitting next to me in a pedicure chair was about eight months pregnant. The other, was a 50-60 year old tanner with a predilection for the young adult section of the clothing department. She was also a new grandma. I could surmise from their conversation that they had maybe once worked together or something.

I knew this would be a remarkable conversation within minutes. NO new grandmother can resist unsolicited advice for the pregnant, people. NONE.

Soon they were talking about preperations for the new baby:

TanGrandma: So do you know what you’re having?

PregnantLady: No, we don’t!

TG: [Not believing.] Really?! I always thought it was so much better to know ahead of time. That way you can prepare.

PL: Well, we’re still prepared…gender doesn’t really matter in that department. I’ve been spending all my free time stocking the nursery and—

TG: Oh, don’t even BOTHER. I mean, why stress yourself? You don’t even USE that thing for months!

PL: [Getting bothered.] Well, it’s just this urge I have. I just want to have things set up…

TG: [ROLLS EYES.] Yeah, they call it NESTING. So bird-like. Kinda gross, huh?

I couldn’t help myself. I HAD to butt in.

Me: Sorry to eavesdrop [read: it's impossible NOT to, really], but I just wanted to let you know that I was the same way with both my babies. I wanted everything set up ahead of time.

PL: [Big smile.] RIGHT?! My husband thinks I’m crazy, but …

TG: [Rolls eyes AGAIN.] Oh, I don’t know…

Me: Well, it’s clearly a PERSONAL choice [eyeballs TanGrandma]. And I actually used our nursery almost immediately. I mean, who wants to be stocking drawers and closets after just having GIVEN BIRTH?

TG: [Snaps gum. Adjusts Ugg boots.]

PL: Exactly!

And that kind of winded down the unsolicited advice portion of their conversation. Maybe it was rude of me to interrupt, but I sure as hell would’ve high-fived the crap out of anyone that had come to my rescue in a similar situation. Clearly, I am a martyr.

Anyway, to all you pregnant Mommas out there, the Anti-Unsolicited-Advice Team is alive and well. It can be treacherous territory, but rest assured that your comrades surround you in spirit.

(Beware, you cynical Mommas, Grandmas, and Spinsters.)

Do as I Say, Not as I Do » nursery

No One ASKED You, Lady