This is part 2 of many where I talk about my most recent miscarriage.  Read part 1 here.

So. My doctor had just confirmed that I’d miscarried several weeks ago. I don’t even know how to describe how it felt. I guess I mostly felt shock. Like I wanted to rewind and be back where I’d been 10 minutes ago, before I knew my baby was dead. Like it could just be a mistake or something.

After I got dressed, my doctor came back in the room. She said how sorry she was and told me I needed a D&C. She started to explain what that was, until I reminded her that I’d already had one.

My husband asked her how this could have happened.  She explained that miscarriages were “almost always” the result of chromosomal errors.  This didn’t sound right to me – I’d read that 50% of miscarriages are caused by them, but that it was usually other factors past 10 weeks.  I asked about the baby aspirin – I’d stopped taking it the week of the miscarriage, and I thought that maybe I had a clotting disorder.  She didn’t agree, and pushed the chromosomal error explanation again.

At this point I checked out of the why question.  It didn’t make sense to me, given that the miscarriage happened after 12 weeks and my NT scan was clear. Plus, she was the one who’d told me to stop taking the baby aspirin, so it’s not like she’d be super enthusiastic about that explanation.

Then my doctor talked to me about setting up an appointment for my D&C – or D&E – the doctors weren’t consistent in what they called it.  Unfortunately, this all happened on a Friday, which meant that we had to wait through the weekend before having a two part procedure on Monday and Tuesday to end the doomed pregnancy.

I cried on the way out of the doctor’s office.  I didn’t care who saw me.  As soon as we got in the car I started texting people the news – my manager at work, my friends.  I decided I had to call my mom, that it wasn’t fair to text her the news, though the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone. She was great though.

The weekend was awful. I felt like shit. I felt like an imposter when I would have to pee every 20 minutes, or had to do other pregnant lady things. I couldn’t think about anything else or concentrate on anything. It didn’t feel real. And it felt like I’d been through the worst thing ever – except that it wasn’t over yet.

I’ll continue with the D&E in part 3.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 25th, 2010 at 8:02 pm and is filed under Miscarriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.