When I last posted, I was pregnant.  I’m not now.

I miscarried a few months ago at 15 weeks.  Well, I actually miscarried at 12 weeks, but I just didn’t find out right away.

I had spotted throughout my first trimester.  I had been taking baby aspirin, and theorized that that was the reason.  In any case, my doctor told me to quit taking it at 12 weeks, which I did.  I had three great ultrasounds (at 6 weeks, 7 weeks, and 12 weeks) where I saw heartbeats and movement and a beautiful baby.  The NT scan was perfect, and we were told we had a low chance of Down’s Syndrome or Trisomy 13 or 18.

And then, later that day, or maybe the next day, our baby died.

And that, frankly, really sucked.  It sucked to have to tell work, and my friends, and my parents, that this baby wasn’t going to happen after all.  It sucked to have to go pick up the maternity pants I’d dropped off to be altered.  It sucked to put the ultrasound pictures away.  And it sucked to have to have a D&E.

I’ll write about the Ultrasound of Doom, my D&E, and my experience with a miscarriage specialist in my next few posts.  For now, what I mostly feel is that I can’t imagine being pregnant and dealing the anxiety again.  I was a basket case this whole pregnancy – even after 12 weeks, when everything “should” have been fine.  How am I ever going to believe that things are going to be fine again?

I got pregnant three times in 2009, and miscarried three times in 2009.  Here’s hoping 2010 is my year.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 11th, 2010 at 3:38 pm and is filed under Miscarriage, Pregnancy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.