I have a confession. I like being pregnant. I also like being married, and for a girl who never really expected (or cared much) to be either, that’s saying something. Of course the latter is a discussion for a different day on a different blog. This is a pregnancy chronicle, and for all those days that I woke up cursing the nausea, heartburn, exhaustion (or the fact that I just don’t look the same in any kind of clothing), today I have awoken with a little spring in my step and a love of my big belly. Who cares if I waddle? Or if I’ve found my (once sophisticated, non-noise making) self making involuntary little duck sounds to signify the fact that I’m waddling as I make my way down the hall? (Quack, quack!) I’m having a baby!
Now naturally, I absolutely love the little guy residing in my expanding midsection… but loving being pregnant is another thing altogether. It’s something my mother and my oldest friend both swore to me they did the entire time they were carrying (an assurance I took as an insult to my womanhood during my first trimester, when I was virtually suicidal), but for me, the fluctuations have been much more pronounced than the adoration of the state. Take my wedding for example. While I had gotten over the fact that I was destined to look like Orca in Vera Wang (especially from the side), as the night wore on and my new husband reveled in socializing with our nearest and dearest, cocktail in his sexy hand and ever-present smile on his handsome face, I found myself increasingly exhausted… and seriously envious of those flowing drinks. With just sixty guests, we went through wine, beer, champagne, vodka and rum for 100 and someone had to go back out for wine and beer twice… yet none of the delicious elixir, save about a half a glass of rose champagne, passed my poor, deprived, expectant lips. (Never mind that I was willing to drink the whole glass, too – I just couldn’t!) Plus, while I soaked in the beauty of the warm, Malibu night, delighted that it had turned out just as I’d hoped, there was a part of me (a very physical part) that just couldn’t wait to go to bed! Trouble is, it wasn’t for the sordid wedding night debauchery a Coco de Mer-loving girl like me associates with tying the knot (um, sex drive – what’s that?). I wanted to go to sleep!
Still, at the end of that day (and every day that has been any kind of struggle), I’ve been able to assuage myself with the prize I get at the end of this nine (or really, ten) month rollercoaster: a bouncing baby boy who will be (for lack of a better term), my disciple. Naturally, as pregnant women for centuries have known, this makes the struggle worthwhile. But today, as I recover from a virus (let’s face it, being sick while pregnant sucks even more than usual), it’s nice not to feel any of the downsides of the experience. For the past three days, as I’ve rested, trying to recover without risking decongestants or sleep aids, little Dash has been more active than ever. His movements have gotten more consistent and I think I’ve been able to discern the difference between kicks/punches and actual changes in position. Last night, I swear I could feel his head near my right hip and his feet near my left ribs. (A previously unmentioned fact is that he’s measuring a full two weeks ahead in terms of size. So maybe I’m imagining that he’s already taking up my entire uterus at 26 1/2 weeks… and maybe he actually is.) And cooler still, this morning he woke me with a series of little flips (which he is replicating as I type this). It feels like some crazy combination of gas (admittedly, there’s no shortage of that these days)… and magic.
In short, today I am in love with this time in my life. Next week I have the dreaded glucose test (there’s an orange flavored beverage waiting in my fridge), a baby registry to construct (any suggestions?) and an email list for shower invites to get to my friends (which includes procuring emails from my husband, in itself a task)… All of this I’m sure will stress me out, especially when combined with writing and reorganizing the house to accommodate wedding gifts. In the meantime however, as I feel awed and excited by the moment and for the uncertainty that lies ahead, I’m going to settle into my little cocoon of contentment and be grateful for all the goodness that has come my way.
God knows, things could change any second. So I might as well enjoy it!
Tags: alcohol, elation, exhaustion, mood swings, sex drive
