A nap is nearing its end, I know, but I am stealing a moment to try and reacquaint myself with blogging. The main trouble with getting back to it has been that so much has changed since my last entry (in Dash’s life — nevermind mine!), that I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been through 30+hours of unplanned, induced labor (pitocin + cervical balloon = failure + c-section). I’ve spent five subsequent days in the safe cocoon of the hospital, only to return to a house half-decorated for Christmas (despite not having cleaned up from Thanksgiving) and a myriad of unanswered questions relating to my new baby — who came (okay, was forced out), three weeks ahead of schedule (you can imagine my amusement when the day after he was born, my daily WTE email suggested I transition from pregnancy reading to new mommyhood info).
Unable to sit still whilst recovering from said c-section (amidst sleep deprivation and at first, a helping of pain killers from the surgery), I then reignited an old hip injury, rendering myself unable to workout since Dashiell’s birth and thereby feeling even less sexy than I did while expecting (a situation which is in the process of being remedied with cortisone shots… and an all too late in life attempt at even-if-I’m-not-perfect-I’m-okay self-acceptance). Between breastfeeding, burping issues and allergic reactions (resulting in me removing all dairy and then soy from my diet and finally Dash winding up on hypoallergenic formula – which is $28/can!), I’ve ridden the roller coaster of identity loss that accompanies the first three months of motherhood (where did MY life go?!) and I’ve blissed out on the elation of a connection so strong no words can describe the seemingly chemical high it gives you (my baby sleeping on my chest in just his diaper… crack cocaine can’t be this exhilarating). And most importantly (or at least most interestingly), I’ve watched my beautiful little boy go from a sleeping little lump whose mere breaths inspired dreams (and feelings) beyond anything I’ve ever dreamed (or felt) before, to a real, live, interactive little person with a personality… and if this week’s progress is any indicator (he can grab the giraffe dangling from his play mat!), the beginnings of motor control skills.
In short, my experience has been a lot like a lot of other new moms I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with or reading about… and yet completely my own. I’m not exactly sure what’s interesting at the moment (here comes the crying from the nursery) but I can tell you that at the moment, the main items on my plate are as follows:
1. Finding a PT nanny so I can try and get some writing done.
2. Getting my hip sorted out so I can exercise again.
3. Making some friends with babies the same age as Dash, so we both have some company.
4. Creating some form of a schedule so my part of my life doesn’t feel like an endless, baby-dictated exercise in futility….
5. Finding some time (and inclination) for romance with my baby daddy/husband.
So, welcome to the present. Dash will be 4 months old on April Fool’s Day. Let’s see where this takes us.
